Selfish
by TallyInTheGreen
Summary: He wanted her back; he'd change the fate she didn't deserve. Selfishly, he dove into his conscious, searching for her... not a demon. NaruHina. SasuSaku. TEMPORARY HIATUS
1. Prologue

_Edit-- Revised_

_Author's Notes:_ I must say, you mustn't give me all the credit for what you will soon embark on-- this plot line/story once belonged to the incredible **Bullwinkle's Lady**, so please check her out. She has given me the chance to write it my way... and I plan to do so.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters

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Prologue

She had to admit, Naruto's smile made her insides wriggle in excitement and joy. On that day, after so long of hiding it, she saw his smile.

Hinata Hyuuga, twenty-two, walked down the halls of the Hokage tower. Remembering her youth, the place had always seemed so warm and lively, full of shouts and laughter – and Tsunade's drunken rambling had never failed to fill the office. However, today, the tower was strangely cold. It was dark, quiet, and everything seemed dim.

_I suppose I have not gotten over Tsunade-sama's death… _During her struggle, the fifth's body had ultimately failed her; it was similar to the way the sixth's own was weakening.

Still, Naruto Uzumaki was the strongest ninja in Konoha. The blond-haired man had proven his rightful place as Hokage with his defeat of Orochimaru.

And he was smiling right then as Hinata quietly slipped into his office.

Naruto sat behind his desk, appearing comfortable with Sakura Uchiha upon his lap. Suddenly, Hinata found her cheek twitching; from what she could see, Sasuke had a similar reaction splattered upon his face. The man stood, arms crossed, glaring down at the two.

"Put my wife down," Sasuke growled through clenched teeth. As an ANBU captain, the man was thought to be muscular and handsome, his armor and uniform perfecting his physique. However, Hinata noticed dark bags under his eyes, Sasuke's face was pale and though he was a rather handsome man, Hinata had to think of him as someone in need of medical attention; he looked sick every time she met with him. His weary onyx eyes were dull and the man was covered in bloodstains. It seemed he had just returned from a mission.

Naruto began to whine in that some-what husky, some-what girlish, yet completely _adorable_, voice of his. "But we were having so much fun," he frowned as Sakura climbed off and leapt into her husband's arms, kissing him on the cheek.

Sasuke seemed satisfied. "Floozy," he muttered, jokingly, snaking an arm around her waist, taking his hand and placing it upon her rear end.

The woman's hair had grown long again, reaching her mid-back. Her emerald eyes were lively as ever, shut tight from laughter as the sex jokes continued. Hinata rarely saw any of them so happy and carefree. However, most knew that Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto were happiest together.

"Pervert," Sakura whispered, slipping out of his hold. She moved toward Naruto, who snatched her arm and winked suggestively. Sakura giggled as Sasuke made an inappropriate gesture.

Sasuke and Sakura had married a year ago; yet, not much had changed. Both were usually away on missions, sometimes Sakura would address her husband with a "kun" and she would always blush when embarrassing herself around him. Sasuke did not seem to mind, because he always smirked caringly.

Naruto was happy for them. Sincerely happy.

With spiky, blond hair growing out of control and blue eyes lacking that certain sparkle, all could tell he was very preoccupied with other things; the Hokage's responsibilities escalated far beyond anyone else's. He was deeply haunted by Konoha's war with the Sound; he no longer seemed to have the patience for the tribulations of love; especially those that could place others in danger.

Maturing over the years, Naruto acquired a build stronger and stockier than Sasuke's. The single, noticeable change was in his expression; when he grinned, a spark of evil reflected off his distinguishable canines, bordering on fangs, from a few too many transformations. If Naruto allowed himself the power, the Kyuubi would have the ability to take his body.

Finally, he noticed her at his doorway and his smile softened. "Hinata-chan," His voice was low and authoritative, a tone he borrowed from Sasuke; it helped him slide through meetings and tough spots. Sasuke and Sakura, too, noticed her presence and turned to her.

The dark-haired kunoichi bowed her head. "Hokage-sama," she uttered softly, looking down if only to hide the faint blush that appeared every time Naruto's eyes met hers. She could not help but allow herself an inner grin of excitement.

Time after time, Naruto would correct her with a 'just call me Naruto', but he left her without a word, sighing deeply. It was odd because he would usually dedicate more than enough time lecturing her on unnecessary formalities and small slip-ups. Hinata suddenly felt frustrated with herself. Would she ever change—his lack of correction wanted to make her scream, knowing she might have upset him one too many times. She slowly looked back up to see that he was simply holding out a folder to her, the tired smile remaining, a small something playing on the corners of his lips. "Your mission," he said.

Without a second thought, she turned to leave knowing she would see him until she returned for debriefing. She could only hope her mission ended quickly; anticipation filled her as she imagined…

Hinata sighed deeply as she scrambled through her pockets for her keys. That night, all she needed to worry about was getting all the sleep she could. And, with what the mission entailed, she cold only hope for morning to hit. The mission would take her a week to accomplish. A week was much too long of a period of Naruto's absence, she realized as she absently tugged a lock of black hair resting behind her ear.

Stepping into the cold, dark apartment, visions of her former life at the Hyuuga Compound came to mind. She was undeniably content with her separation from her clan however, life then—before her eighteenth birthday—had been lavish and extravagant. Any girl would miss being waited on hand and foot once forced to leave it all and relocate to a small apartment where no more than three people could live comfortably.

Her childhood had not been the worst, had not been the best but she was more than certain that when she thought back on it, her insecure 12 year-old self came to mind. No matter how taunting or demeaning it seemed now, that childish crush of hers always seemed easier than what she had to do now that she had the one she wanted. Then, as she thought back on the passion shared in the confines of his office, the childhood crush era never seemed as great.

Though, she did remember the moment she chose her path and her decisive thinking brought a turning point. It had been eight years ago; Sakura had thrown a large sixteenth birthday party for Ino and all guests had been forced into a game of 'Truth or Dare'. That had been the first kiss she and her blond prince had shared.

Steadily, a relationship had developed; nothing special—Naruto just got close to her and allowed himself to be friends with her. By then, Hinata had hoped Naruto would be hers for the taking. Oh, how she had been wrong. Nevertheless, Hinata waited for him. She had even taken the liberty of declining any involvement with any other boy—hoping Naruto would sweep her off her feet.

Now, at the peak of her maturity and understanding, Hinata let her mind wander, wondering whether it was all worth it. Yes, it was; Hinata wanted nothing more than to belong to him! What would people say if she told them the Rokudaime loved her? Maybe that she was crazy—is that why Naruto forbade her from telling anyone? Or was it that he was Hokage and he would seem weak if the people he was protecting knew he had weaknesses and that he could not be trusted because of them.

She trudged silently into the bathroom and took a glance at herself in the mirror.

Lavender eyes stared blankly at the reflection she hoped was not her, disheveled bangs tickling her forehead. Pale as the walls of the bathroom, Hinata frowned at her complexion and what the light did to her skin; it shone with an intensity of a pale violet.

Maybe he thought she was not pretty enough to be the Hokage's girlfriend. Why, then, did he call her his _goddess_ every time he caressed her, tickled her neck with his gentle kisses?

Muttering his name, she thought about how amazing, strong and vibrant, his smile was. How he was so optimistic. Her lips parted as another sigh escaped.

Everyday, Hinata would remind herself that she should never let Naruto's lack of information hinder her and decided that made her strong. In addition, she knew her strength also came from the willingness she had had the moment she declined the title of clan head.

She declined her father's offer —she did so thinking of Hanabi's safety. If it were not for Hinata's insecurity and kindness, her sister would have been marked with the cursed seal; yet she knew she was only lying to herself.

After her father had accepted the fact she would not take his place, he banished her. Hinata, at that point, considered herself as the only unique individual to hold the name Hyuuga. The thought of never returning did not weaken her, did not sadden her—she was relieved. Happy. Happy of finally having no restraints, no borders—nothing would stop from being with her prince.

Hinata, after becoming a jounin, and taking on three students, realized her choice was the right one. Her students were misfits and they made her job extremely rewarding as she saw her genin self within them… or parts of her old self. Hinata grew stronger as she traveled with them and protected them. Those little genin of hers had even brought a new courage ready to fuel her at a moment's notice—the Hyuuga had hopes of joining Kiba and Shino and her other old teammates in the waging war against neighboring hidden villages. Then, maybe, Naruto would feel that their relationship could go public.

What if that was it? What if he didn't love her? _No— no 'what if's._ _Hinata, he loves you._

Once changed in her nightdress, Hinata slipped into bed and quickly fell to sleep, dreaming that Naruto came to her aid on a black stallion, rescuing her from a large, black, looming shadow. Surprisingly, she heard nothing that night as her window was gently forced opened, her dream escalating in excitement. A figure loomed over her sleeping body, crawling to her side; the figure slit her throat and gouged Hinata's eyes from her skull…

Morning came and her lifeless body was discovered on her bed, sheets drenched in her blood.

"I'm sorry Hokage-sama, did—did you… know her?"

"We actually… grew up together," Naruto said weakly. He felt his insides squirm as he began to feel sick. He unconsciously gripped the edges of his desk, his hands going numb.

"My apologies," the messenger said. After shedding a few moments of silence, the man slowly made his way to the door.

Naruto uneasily broke the silence, calling after the messenger. "But, why take her eyes?"

"It is quite standard of the Sound shinobi. It is a means of disgracing the previous owner—taking their bloodline. No doubt, the secrets of byakugan will be studied and tested."

As his hands began to shake, Naruto spoke, "Thank you. You may go now."

Bowing slightly, the man exited the office.

Vindictively, Naruto turned and glared out the window; the morning was bright and beautiful. It made no sense to him. The Hokage took a deep breath in an effort to steady the furious pounding of his heart. Never had he felt so miserable in his life—helpless—and to blame.

He closed his eyes and turned back to his desk, slamming his fists upon the hard surface. _You moron… why…why?_ Cursing himself for his cruelty, Naruto calmed and realized it was not her fault—she had done nothing wrong. _Hinata…_

He was right; it was not her fault. And if it was not her fault, it was his.

The blond's vision blurred as the tears finally came, and he buried his face into cupped hands. "This war . . . is getting out of hand."

_Who made that rule, huh, Hinata? I should have been at your side._

--

Naruto grimaced as it began to rain. He did not want to leave her side as his eyes trailed the casket's borders. His fists began to shake as the urge to hit something almost overtook him.

One by one, the guests stepped forward and paid their respects, black umbrellas at hand. As every single one of then bowed as they passed, he wanted to scream; they should just have gone about their business and leave him to his thoughts and Hinata. Some of his closest friends gave him encouraging hugs and reassuring smiles; he wondered if they knew. What were they thinking? _Just what do you think about this?_

Naruto's insides cartwheeled and his skin crawled as he remembered those lonesome, working nights: Hinata had always made sure to accompany him, urging him to work as she caressed his sore spots.

The Hokage had failed to notice he had been clutching his chest until droplets of water rolled down his shaking hands. Looking to the dark sky, he lowered his arms and his tears mingled with the rain.

Two people walked by; Sasuke and Sakura moved as one as they took turns paying respect to the woman. The kunoichi's eyes red and puffy and she clung tightly to her husband's arm. Sasuke was impassive, as always, but pulled his wife closer yet. The two bowed their heads as they reached the casket, and Naruto wondered whether Sakura was praying for Sasuke's safety.

Konoha's sweetest girl had died so young, and Naruto had to wonder if it was a twisted quirk.

Was it a warning? A sign? Cruel fate?

_Can I… could I have done anything…?_

He was suddenly on his knees, his clothes soaked, and for a stunned moment, he felt all eyes on him. Uchiha Sakura was suddenly knelt beside him, gently whispering – asking whether he could hear her. If he was okay, whether he would be okay.

_I want to fix this. I want her back…_

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_Author's Notes:_ This is version 2.0 of Selfish-- Prologue. I had to add things about Naruto and Hinata's relationship.

Review.


	2. Chapter one

_Edit-- Revised_

(c) Masashi Kishimoto

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Chapter One

She watched her husband pace the room. After the funeral procession, Sasuke had felt as though his wife was unnerved because the unfortunate event. Sakura absentmindedly dabbed her eyes, smudging her eyeliner. "Are you worried… you know, about—?"

He scoffed, throwing her a glare. "She was _weak_. Sakura, who do you think you married? I'm not worried about me…"

Her lips quivered as Sasuke's dark eyes searched her, seeped into her soul. _It's me—he is worried about me_, she thought, crossing her arms, ashamed.

"You shouldn't worry about me. You should look after yourself; it's you that carries a bloodline..." Sakura mumbled as she leaned forward, bringing her knees to her chest. Her body trembled as her face reached the love seat's plush surface. _So, they've finally infiltrated Konoha_, she thought, gazing toward Sasuke.

They sat in the living room surrounded by dim lights and tapestries of dark hues of reds, greens and blues. With his head hung and arms limp between his legs, he slumped over. The coffee table held firm as he grasped its sides for support.

"You were Tsunade's apprentice," her husband mentioned as he pulled off his shirt. "You have special abilities."

Sasuke sat beside her. He pulled her to his lap and Sakura straddled her legs around him, tracing the scars on his chest with a tentative finger. _It means a lot . . . that you still care,_ she thought, biting her lip. They had not been married for long, but, as the days strolled by, they seemed to grow further and further apart when it was customary for young couples to grow closer by day.

The day of Hinata's death had actually marked the first time Sakura had seen her husband in a month. If only the reminder of the day would fill her with cheer, but, the despair and angst was too much to handle.

Silence hovered over them, draping them in a suffocating veil. It squeezed her chest and filled her with the love she held for Sasuke. "I leave for another mission the day after tomorrow," Sasuke broke the silence, tearing the veil.

"I know . . ." mumbling weakly, Sakura's eyes stung with fresh tears; she titled her head away from him so he could not see her tears. It was not the time for pity and doubt—she needed Sasuke to believe in her strength.

However, the dark-haired man noticed her distraught despite the attempt at closure, embraced her, and played with her hair as silent tears ran down his chest. "Come with me."

Sakura's heartbeat doubled, quickening at his command, yet, she managed to suppress further emotion. Formulating a response, she inhaled deeply. "You want me to come on a mission with you after you beg me not to join ANBU?" she asked calmly, closing her green eyes.

Looking into her eyes once more, he muttered a reply; "I didn't beg." A second wave of silence crashed against their rocky shores. Unaccustomed to an over-protective husband, Sakura digested what he had stated, forcing a small smile.

"I _was_ Tsunade's apprentice. I can take care of myself," her words were muffled as Sasuke had pulled her in closer. Sakura blushed slightly. Pondering as to why, she realized that her husband had not presented her with love and affection in a long time. In actuality, it had been a while since either of them had been so... close. _He must be really worried._

"You should rest," she mumbled, kissing his chest. He chuckled softly, closing his eyes as she rubbed his chest. He was tired, and slowly, he leaned back against the love seat.

Ever since war had officially been declared between the Sound and the Leaf, Sasuke had willingly gone out and fought; Sakura knew Sasuke felt obligated to do so. The days Sasuke was away from the bloodshed, a dull carcass of a man would remain; his mind, body, and soul belonged to the war effort. Whatever it was that had Sasuke tied to an iron clasp, chained the ground had the man struggling for his heart's desires. Sakura hoped the moment would come when she could heal her husband of his distraught, killing the _thing _keeping his entirety from her.

Yet, she had to feel responsible; she was of no use and everything she did either angered her husband or had him worried. None of it was her fault, she knew that but, it was pointless for her to persuade herself-- it wouldn't stop her from feeling miserable.

Perhaps, her insecurities and Sasuke's 'what ifs' kept them from growing closer. The emotional baggage they dragged behind, alongside them, would only tear them apart.

What if he had not run away; what if he had killed Orochimaru when he had had the chance, before he created such strong bonds with the Sound Village? Sasuke had no right to blame himself and Sakura wanted to fight. But, as long as the war raged on, the two realized they could only keep from going insane by playing out their current emotions, suppressing everything and every_one_ else. The past was... the past, but Sasuke would never accept that. And until Sasuke did, Sakura would never acknowledge Sasuke as the man she had fallen in love with. No, that was not entirely true; she loved him no matter what.

_Why can he not understand-- change? What am I thinking? He can never change, he is stubborn and it is in his nature to want to mend his evil deeds. He will never change, _she thought, defeated. Everyday and anytime of day Sakura was faced with questions, ideas, and 'what ifs', and anytime she was given the opportunity to swim in the dark waters of the answers, she would run. She knew the answers and explanations would only displease her.

Every moment she sat with Sasuke, no matter how affectionate he appeared to be— feel, the thought of Sasuke having lost connection to life lingered. And it was not as if the war had changed something inside of him, he had always been that way. That just scared her. It was responsibility. She had to help him.

"Will you come?" he asked, his voice began to flood with anticipation as he tried to keep his tone staccato and calm.

Sakura's eyes widened as she fought for a straight answer. Tenderly rubbing his arms, Sakura found that she missed the lovely warmth that her husband used to radiate; the warmth and rush of his touch was gone. Though she sat in his embrace, Sakura could not bring herself to think she belonged to him. Not entirely.

Change was always a good thing, a healthy aspect of life, and maybe if she were to fight with him, he would change for the better. She would not have to worry about the distance; she could worry about him as she stood by his side. In return, they would always be with each other, protecting the other.

Leaving Konoha also seemed dangerous when he had the option of staying behind, they could start a family and he would not have to leave. The pitter-patter of small Uchiha feet echoed around.

_I can't give in; he's only trying to get away. I won't let him reel me in. Nothing will lure--_ Her resolve fell to pieces as his sharp gaze fell upon her once more. At a loss of words, the only thing that came to mind was to ask about the seal. It spilled from her mouth, without warning, giving her reason to feel precarious.

Acknowledging his wife's uneasiness, he responded immediately, muttering, "Fine."

Frowning slightly, she continued to ask, inquisitively, "You're not . . . drawing upon it, are you?"

Sasuke muttered about not doing so and Sakura hoped she hadn't angered him. Standing from her seat, her body felt numb as she carried herself to the door leading to the hallway outside their bedroom. "I'll be in the room if you need me..." she stated, leaning against the wall.

_I wouldn't mind if you followed me, if you gave me some company, _she thought, wishing Sasuke could read minds as many claimed he did.

Then, he said, "We'll talk about this later, maybe."

"Yes, really, we will. I know I'm a heavy sleeper but--" she began, sighing dismissively.

Sasuke's facial expression told her he suddenly felt uncomfortable. "We'll talk later," he repeated, conclusively.

He stood up, and Sakura thought he was about to storm out of the room and into his study as he always did when she failed to please him. Sakura opened her mouth as to retort but caught herself as the man came at her, grabbing her shoulders. Not a single trace of anger, dismay, or joy swirled in his dark eyes. Her eyes widened as he crashed his lips against hers, engulfing her with a passion she had longed for. Knees buckled beneath her, going woozy from the rush; Sasuke pushed her backwards, begging her to walk. She did so blindly, stumbling on pieces of furniture; the bumps and bruises would hold a significance of the stormy day, reminding her of his love, his passion, and his desire to live as he fought of whatever it was that held him prisoner.

--

His mood set the tone of his desires; he was upset and wanted nothing more to protect everyone. What had he done wrong? What had he done to bring such a misfortune upon such a wonderful and kind woman— upon his beautiful goddess?

It was his entire fault. _Is it not? The damn Sound infiltrated my village and killed one of our finest; it is my responsibility to keep everyone safe. How can I do that if I can't stop the war from escalating? I should not have had to deal with this happening if I had been more careful. Someone must have spotted us and informed enemy ninja…_

The day had been dark and a storm approached the village, drowning everything with the cold showers of reality. Naruto had hoped to stay outside entire day as a sign of his loyalty to her. He would have if it had not been for the nagging persistence out of his assistant's mouth; he would have remained by Hinata's side through the harsh winds and blistering cold.

A single dim lamp lit the room; the dark, empty corners taunted Naruto with rejection from an unknown source; the blinded windows and the emptiness of his office, devoid of laughter or company, enveloped him in misery.

Laying his head against the cold, oak surface of his desk, he glanced around the room. The door was closed, locked; no one would bother him for a while. The bookshelf to his right was angled at a strange angle, leaning against its adjacent wall; the tattered books and scrolls littering the carpeted floor had once stood aligned according to size. A fit of anger and a desire to wreck something had overcome Naruto moments prior to his mental lapse of temporary tottery.

His head thundered in pain, misplacing the surroundings; he wanted closure, something to replace his loss because he felt a larger pain coming from within and he knew exactly what it was. He did not want it-- it hurt so much. His poor heart ached and soon not even his closest friends would understand why he continued to sulk and mourn.

Azure eyes blinked rapidly, pain beating down on his skull every time he inhaled.

_If only I had analyzed this better--, it's my fault everyone is in danger. It's my fault Hinata died. What if I hadn't taken everything so casually-- I should have acted one those threats, sending everyone to eliminate the Sound. Hinata would be alive, would she not? What if everyone had known, then I could have had reason to station ANBU around Hinata's apartment. Why wasn't I there—I should have been. _He pondered, thinking back to genin years when everything seemed so easy and predictable; back when he and Hinata had had it easy; when they could fool anyone about what they had going on…

_Why had we decided on no visits on nights you had to rest upon for missions? I could have saved you— killed those bastards._

He had not been the smartest of the bunch and he never risen to the occasion on command-- his solo and group missions had been a success or failure depending on the moment his heroic acts pulled through. Too, Naruto always seemed to react positively or negatively whenever Hinata was around. With her gone, what was to become of him? She had been his light.

Now, if he were to pull through the pain of losing his beloved goddess and find another source of light, he could come out and end the war. However, was he thinking clearly when pawing at the idea of sending troops out of Konoha? If he did, then, what would remain? He hoped that a strong village would await the mighty ninja, the soldiers who fought against the opposing forces. But, what if everything went... _wrong_? What if another woman had her eyes gouged out, leaving her love without someone to hold at night; leaving him the lone, cruel satisfaction of once have a goddess of his own?

How silly, Naruto believed it could happen to anyone else when, obviously, it was a threat, a taunting slap in the face. The Sound was playing with him, sending him a message; 'what's wrong, can't you find the courage to beat us once and for all? How long are you going to let us come into the homes of the weak and take what they hold dear? Can you not hear us coming? Maybe, just maybe, you didn't deserve her.'

Sighing deeply, running his hands through his hair, he let the matter lie until tomorrow. Either way, Naruto knew he had time before he would be forced to do anything, before Konoha was engulfed in flames and sent to the fiery pits of an unconscious hell. He could wait but waiting could bring blame upon his shoulders if something were to happen as he hid. Because, things had been going wrong and the luck Konoha's Hokage and fellow ninja were experiencing would only escalate. Because things always went wrong.

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_Author's Notes:_ This was Version 2.0 of Selfish-- Chapter one. Like it better? Did this clear some things up? Hopefully I do alright in explaining some thing in Chapter two.

Review.


	3. Chapter two

(c) Masashi Kishimoto

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Chapter Two

A day had yet to come when he would calm himself; a day had yet to come when Naruto stopped longing for something to remind him of his goddess. Unfortunately, nothing seemed to help anyhow— any memories, dreams, nor photographs— her mere memory made him sob and beat the ground for answers to the questions that haunted his being.

Could he not just forget his responsibilities, crawl into the deep crevices of his memory, and keep the Hyuuga heir's essence alive? It pained him, yes, but the pain assured him he had not died from the heartache. It was though, if he let her go, he would shrivel up and die beside her. And as he thought long and hard upon it, he decided that it would not be such a bad idea if it came down to it. Or would it? Maybe, he could be reunited with his beloved--

But, he did not feel he would allow himself to do so; he was not that crazy. Was he?

Rapping his hand against the desk's surface, he relished in the magnified sound vibrating against his ear. Laughing in nostalgia, Naruto recalled upon the days at the Academy. Hinata, shy and humble, had always been around. He used to laugh upon her awkwardness and her feelings had had no meaning; calling her weird and walking away as she recoiled seemed customary in their meetings. Twenty-two and mature, Naruto knew his young, immature, foolish self had been too rude and mean with her then.

Nevertheless, to his great pleasure, Hinata had somehow forgiven his actions and he had accepted the fact she was just a kind-natured, timid person—so they became friends. Or, they began talking and getting comfortable around each other. As they grew together, working on missions and socializing, they lost track of all their differences that made them think horribly of the other because Hinata demanded that they leave imperfections to others. However weird that may have sounded to Naruto then, he chose to accept her idea. And, he still felt as though she was perfect. She had always been perfect. He felt it had been his duty to protect that shy, beautiful soul and now that she was gone, he could only blame himself. He had not been there to help his beautiful goddess.

There was one night that he had failed to mention to anyone. And, even to that day, it had remained a secret between Hinata and himself. Back when the world was at their feet and they were ready to explore it—seventeen year-old Naruto had utterly humiliated himself to a point where it remained etched in his memory. Naruto remembered it vividly. He, Hinata, Kiba, Sakura, and Sasuke had returned from a grueling mission and the lovely couple of the group had decided to step away from Naruto's wandering eyes—along with everyone else's—and sink within the shadows. At the time, he had been extremely cautious not to allow himself to show his jealousy; no matter what he told himself or led himself to believe, he felt he could never be happy with Sasuke courting the woman he had sought after since Academy days.

One thing led to the next and Naruto's rage got out of hand, he remembered it too clearly as he had begun to advanced toward the couple. However, as his blood boiled and as he bared his teeth, a firm grip stopped him from getting any closer. He had been close to tears and he realized the error of his action, he had wanted nothing more than to run. Run off and hide some place where he could no longer embarrass himself. His protests against her grip had done nothing to help as the grasp around his wrist gently tightened and Hinata calmly led him away from what was angering him and a snickering Kiba. She had known better than let him roam without guidance: with a touch of her hand, he cooled and followed her.

They had been close, but, the moment Hinata's lean arms wrapped around him, the moment her body pressed firmly against his, he felt as thought everything would be okay as long as she was there. It was not until later that Naruto realized that his lavender-eyed goddess had been his guardian angel.

Then on, he and Hinata had been inseparable. The closest of friends and none of that changed—or no change had been detected—even as Hinata grew bold and express her love for him. Naruto confided everything with her and she did her best to keep her emotions below the radar as with every passing day, her love would come to her apartment and shower her with his passion for her.

Hinata had wanted them to go public, however; he had forbidden such a thing. Naruto knew if even one person knew of their relationship, the word would get around. Then, his goddess could be targeted as his weakness; she would be in danger if enemy ninja knew.

Even with that precaution, Hinata had still been killed. However, Naruto doubted the attack was a sign they knew anything; more like revenge against the village itself. Not Naruto.

Even so, he wanted revenge. But he would need to obtain it without falling under suspicion.

Slowly, he raised his hand above his head and guided it over to the telephone. Grasping it lazily, he brought the phone to his lips as he dialed for his assistant. "Can you do me a favor?"

He waited for a response, holding is breathe out of the reluctance the silence gave him. However, the man's voice came almost instantly, cordial and obedient; no hint of reluctance present. Naruto exhaled, closing his eyes. "Send for all ANBU captains stationed in Konoha; have them report to me as soon as possible. I would prefer if they all saw me together—" He stopped as he listened to the man address to the demand.

A question surfaced—"Why? Once come up, I will tell you. Now, send out my command. I want to get out of here once with time to spare. Got it? Yes? Thank you."

Noisily, the blond slammed the phone on its holder. He turned in his chair and stood, not attempting at straightening the creases of his robe. Lethargically, he moved to the other side of the office, sitting cross-legged on the only other piece of furniture welcoming all to sit. The green couch bore and submerged eerily as he hunched over. He let his arms dangle over the edge, head in his lap resting on his legs.

"I need to go home," he told the room, pawing his eyelids, rubbing the sleep out. As for emphasis or loss of thought, he repeated himself as the office echoed ominously with pounding—a knocking from the door. In dire need of possible rest, Naruto felt as though hung over and hoped his assistant was the one at the door.

"Hokage-sama, I urge you to tell me what's going on—" the man burst in before Naruto acknowledged him. "You aren't your normal self. You haven't been since…"

"You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about, Shikamaru. I'm acting… as I should. And I feel horrible. I want to go home—" Naruto preached as looked up.

Shikamaru Nara's arms were crossed and his over-analytical mind was buzzing, Naruto wished the man's gaze would lighten. The man with the dark hair, protruding eyes, and sharp senses never seemed to care about what Naruto wanted to do; he pushed Naruto into what needed to be done—no matter how troublesome it always ended up being.

"You ought to be calling a meeting with Hiashi-sama," Shikamaru stated.

"And why should I do that?" Naruto asked, rebelling. He fell back against the couch and ignored the unruly blond locks sticking to his forehead, tickling his eyes.

"It's your duty as Hokage. And, Hiashi-sama _expects_ you to call an audience for him as you discuss the safety of the Hyuuga—"

What absurdity! Naruto shot up from his seat and exclaimed, "He never cared for Hinata. How do you expect me to believe her death changed anything? Does he regret treating her like some worthless nobody--?"

As a friend, the dark-haired man ambled toward the desk, dropped the stack of papers he had brought into the room with him and shrewdly grabbed Naruto by the shoulders. Shaking him to an understanding followed as he eyed the blond man curiously.

"What's wrong you? Are you alright?"

Naruto scoffed and sent Shikamaru a glare. An awkward silence roamed between the two as the blond searched words to retaliate with. Then, with a twitchy quirk of his lip, he said, "I thought you, my best friend, one the most intelligent men I know, would have a clue. How can you ask something like that…?"

Suavely, Naruto pushed his friend away, sliding out of his grasp. The dark-eyed man's hand reached to stroke his chin, frowning. Arching a brow, he explained, "It is not that I don't know why you are acting like a little bitch—" He cleared his thought as he met gaze with the man. "—It's rather troublesome but, I didn't want to confront you… didn't want to jump to conclusions—"

"What is it? Enlighten me, what do you think is wrong with me? If you think you have it figured out…" Gesticulating, Naruto shot his arms up in the air and fell back onto the green sofa dramatically. Then, he crossed his arms, secretly anticipating Shikamaru's reply.

"There you go again," commented Shikamaru, shaking his head. "I'm just trying to so what you ask of me—"

Enraged, Naruto stood hastily. "Enlighten me dammit," he cried out. "Tell—"

"I have reason to believe you've been affected by Hinata's death," he paused as Naruto mumbled something incoherently. "You've never behaved this way. This… _attitude_ is coming out because of her—"

"This has nothing to do with her—!" Naruto protested, falling back onto the sofa, running his hands through his hair.

Shikamaru shoot his head. "It's been a week. If she was only a friend—you might have done something about it—"

Yelling, slamming his fists against the couch's green cushions, Naruto's breathing became irregular. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Shikamaru sat down next to Naruto, cautious to the man's rage. He waited until the blond slumped back, rubbing his face. "Do you—did you… love Hinata?"

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_Author's Notes:_ A bit of a cliff hanger, huh? Sorry. I have my reasons. And, I don't think I looked it over, so, if there are any mistakes-- My bad. I just wanted to get this out.

At best, I'll edit this chapter later. 'Mmmkay?

I would have had this out on Sunday but, stupid-ass physics and its projects were getting in my way. I'm just glad I have a week and a day left of school. And two parties tomorrow (party-hopping). Now, I'll try to have chapter three up as soon as I can-- though, I have to update my other fanfics.

Review.


	4. Chapter three

And it's here! To all of you have set this as an alert or have it as a favorite, thank you! To those you have _reviewed_, I have to say, you guys are the reason I try to hurry and update quickly. So, thanks! Alot.

Eh- it's late/early. So, review with errors if you like.

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Chapter Three

Naruto sputtered impertinently as a momentary pause burdened him to find the simplest answer to Shikamaru's question. He had to convince his childhood friend into believing him; a straight answer that could not be followed further down a trail of lies would really help him, even in the slightest. He owed Hinata that much: keeping her alive only his memory, as she was, as he saw her.

He scoffed, folding his arms suavely. "Have you sunk so far, losing sight of my vision—my beliefs, that you scavenge for the smallest clue as to why I'm _upset_? One of Konoha's finest has left us—why can't I mourn? Why must I be _in love_ with someone to feel pain—?" Naruto had not actually thought through what his mouth had just spit out, but he believed it would satisfy for the time being. He just hoped he had not contradicted himself….

Deadpanned, Shikamaru kept to himself a moment longer, tactically analyzing the blond._ That _was it—Naruto had just tried to fool him, had he not? Shikamaru silently reprimanded the man for trying to accomplish such a feat with a deep sigh. Nevertheless, he continued to question him. "So, you're acting like this because of her death." It was not much of a question, though. "But didn't you just say that it had nothing to do with Hinata—?"

_Shit. _Naruto inwardly groaned and kicked himself for, again, not thinking anything through. How stupid could he be—why was he trying to dodge the situation? He was only digging a deeper ditch, and if he kept with the path he was setting up, the ditch would probably be deep enough to bury him. And would that be such a _bad _thing. After all, he did have someone waiting for him in the afterlife.

"_My trusty assistant_," Naruto chuckled, convincing himself to continue his charade. And, as to mock the question addressed, he began playing with Shikamaru's anger. "Why are acting _bothersome_. I thought you hated acting so—"

"Alright, don't change the subject, Naruto!" Shikamaru would not stand for any of the blonde's incriminating, less than innocent jokes. His title was Chief Advisor to the Hokage, had been for more than two years—not even the Hokage himself could belittle his role and call him an _assistant _(though, his role was much of an assistant whenever Naruto called upon him for small, tedious tasks or missions). "You can't fool me. But, if you really cannot stand to tell me… don't. You will tell me when you are ready. I don't understand why the subject demands such secrecy."

Naruto leered uneasily and ran his hand through his unruly blond hair. Then, a buzzing of chatter was heard from behind the door and Naruto called whoever stood outside in.

--

An ANBU Black Ops captain stood front and center, his fellow captains and subordinates falling back and assembling behind him. In the presence of one with power always humbled most, but, those without fear of fucking up stood tall and acted haughty. They feared nothing but fear itself. Maybe, it was that the captain felt he had such a close relationship with the Hokage that a slip up or two would not scorch his record.

"What are your orders, Hokage-sama?" Sasuke Uchiha kept formalities, keeping up appearances, and didn't send the slightest smirk Naruto's way. Beforehand, he had solemnly acknowledged Shikamaru, remembering that not long ago, Sakura and Temari had had a girls' day out.

"I have a task for all of you and your back-up of choice," Naruto addressed the captains waiting for their mission. He was glad he had power. "The mission I'm assigning is one of top priority and must be executed immediately. As soon as you can get your things together, you may head out. There is no need to group with one another; this mission can be carried out individually, that is, if you do not want backup. However, your aim is the same….

"Konoha is a risk. However, some of you may protest and demand you stay in the village to protect the gates and the villagers, it must be done—head out and infiltrate the Sound Village. Find someone directly working under Orochimaru and bring them in…"

At Sasuke's side, Neji stood, silently questioning Naruto's better judgment. He spoke up, knowing well what Naruto was after. "Are we to bring in the enemy for interrogation?"

"Yes," Naruto said, flicking his wrists nonchalantly. "And if anyone gets in your way—kill them. The less of them there is, the better."

The group of men and woman consisted vastly of ANBU captains but, like Sasuke and Neji, a few pertained to the higher level of ninja, higher level of command; ANBU Black Ops. Nevertheless, none could really grasp their Rokudaime's request—demand. Never had he asked such from them. However, never had Konohakugare been at war while he was in office. The moment every one of them had been promoted to their spot, their title, they had promised (upon oath) to protect and follow the will of their Hokage. The Rokudaime of Konoha could send them anyway, even the depths of hell, and they would oblige. There was always a choice; every man and woman had a choice and would follow his or her conscious, calculating thoughts.

They all knew; abandoning the village because their leader was some nutcase was not the best idea. The moment they abandoned a mission, their asses would be done for.

"I'm aware that a few of you have just returned from a mission prior to this meeting," Naruto quipped once again, "Or, it may be that you might have already been on your way to meet with me—debriefing perhaps?

"Whatever the case, I want all of you to go home, pack, say goodbye to your… loved ones, and prepare for the mission ahead. I don't know how long it may take for you to bring me back what I want. I want you all to be prepared for it—a week, a month, however long it may take, make sure you complete this mission. I will not tolerate—"

As Naruto's tone in voice darkened, Shikamaru stepped forward and cleared his voice. He sent a silent reprimand his way and finished the thought. "Head out and don't mention the details of the mission to anyone. Dismissed..."

The seven captains nodded and bowed in understanding and began to file out. Naruto knew his demands would not go unquestioned and knew two of the men would fall back and pester him once the rest were gone.

He was right to suspect, as Sasuke and Neji withdrew and crossly threw their masks onto the floor. With the strength the Uchiha exhibited, Naruto wondered how well the masks were made. It did not shatter as he had thought it would…

"What is your deal? You sent me on a mission a week ago and you expect me to leave for another when I haven't even gone to see my _wife_?" Sasuke asked, forgetting his place and formalities. "I can't leave the village knowing I'm leaving Sakura alone again—"

"Are you afraid for her? You know I can have her protected. Guards can be arranged to look over your home—"

"She'll never be safe—I'm the only one that can protect her—" Sasuke exclaimed.

"Why don't you just take her with you—didn't your superior officer ask her whether she wanted to be promoted? I believe that offer still stands…" Naruto questioned innocently, cocking his head to the side.

"Naruto-sama, Sasuke just doesn't feel you've thought through your attack plan as thoroughly as you could have. _I _feel you are rushing things, throwing us over the flames of a fire that can be avoided with logical thinking. We can avoid another attack if—" Neji said, approaching the topic in his own monotone manner.

"If what, Neji? We wait for them to come to us—kill another?" Naruto asked, beseeching an answer. "I won't stand for that. If I don't take the initiative, my village will be attacked and I can not bear to see the citizens suffer."

The four men tensed and avoided eye contact. Naruto waited for another scrutinizing question about is personal life to rise but Neji searched for an answer through logical analysis (remembering to place Hinata's death into the equation). Sasuke held back the urge to knock his former teammate into the real world where people died everyday. Shikamaru avoided talking first, hoping someone would intervene before he went about another bothersome question.

"Stop and think for a bit. Do you really think we will accomplish anything by infiltrating the Sound and bringing the enemy here? Interrogation won't work—they'll just kill themselves in order to protect Orochimaru's secrets…" Neji reasoned.

The blond was glad Neji, the all knowing, ignored the matter of Hinata. Naruto _knew_ Neji suspected something. Hell, Naruto was worried Neji _knew_ about the relationship and he would not have been surprised to hear the words come from the man's mouth; _I know you were fucking Hyuuga-sama. _Then, he would go on and on— _it was obvious. Just because she saw little of her clan did not mean she did not confide in me with her problems. Hanabi and I still cared for her. And the reason you are _so_ violent is because you loved my cousin, and want revenge. You don't care what it takes, or who is injured or killed in the process, do you…?_

With every intake of breath or time-shattering blink, Naruto expected the claims to spit from Neji's mouth. And every time Naruto imagined the scene play out, the Hyuuga's voice would echo with vehemence and a sort of mocking. The day Neji did come out and voice his thoughts would be the day Naruto would kick Neji's pride and clear analysis in the behind and show him how violent he _really_ was.

"Naruto, what the fuck is up with you? What has gotten into you? Just because you are an idiot does not mean you can flaunt that about foolishly. I thought you had matured and grown some brains!" Sasuke remarked, flinging his arms about. "You've never demanded such from the captains. It's as though after _her _death…"

_Do not put two and two together, you bastard. _Naruto clenched is his fists as Sasuke's tone of voice dripped with disdain at the mention of his beloved Hinata. _What is it with you and the way you unconsciously insult the things I hold dear?_

"You had feelings for my cousin." Naruto groaned at the mention and grew paranoid. He decided to deny everything, though, really, Neji had not asked a question. It had been a statement. He was sure of what he was saying; Naruto knew so much from the firmness in the Hyuuga's voice. Why had he brought it up? _I thought you were going to behave, Neji! I thought, somehow, on a subconscious level, we had an understanding…right?_

"_No_." the blond had made sure to keep his reply short and timed correctly. Knowing the men in the room, a quick answer or a hesitant reply would have brought more questions. Naruto was sure his friends, those who had known him for the last nine years, would know when he was telling a lie; he had to act.

"That's it, isn't it, Naruto?" Sasuke quipped, a scowl growing on his face. He stepped forward and grabbed at the blonde's white robe. "You were—are—in love with that weakli—"

Naruto snapped, despite what he knew he had to do, and punched Sasuke square on his jaw. The man staggered back, not having seen it coming. "She was _not _weak." Sasuke tended to his jaw and wiped the blood seeping through his mouth.

"Why so riled up? Huh? Did I touch a soft spot?" the Uchiha taunted, playing a role he knew too well. Sasuke knew how to upset the man. It had always come easy—the insults, comments, questions—

"Enough! Out of my office—I don't have to explain myself to you! I'm Hokage and you'll treat me with the respect I deserve. I wouldn't want to threaten you—" Naruto lunged toward Sasuke despite the little voice I his head telling him he should restrain any desire he had for harming the man.

"Do something, anything. I don't care—" Sasuke challenged, quickly answering Naruto's physical call.

The bystanders intervened: Neji took Sasuke's arm and pulled him back. Shikamaru pushed Naruto back and stood in front of him, creating a barrier. "Sasuke, Neji, you are dismissed. Ready yourselves for your assignment!"

Noisily, Sasuke shoved Neji off and stormed out the office. Neji followed silently and gave Naruto one final look and excused himself with an awkward bow.

"How _dare _he? How does he think he _is_?" Naruto wondered openly, crossing his arms roguishly, angrily. "_Pushing_ me to my limits, _testing my anger_…."

"I think you are picking at your thoughts irrationally. Like you're paranoid… or something," Shikamaru commented. Then, further instructing the man who he had practically given his soul to, he said, "I shall contact Hiashi-sama and ask for an audience. You should go home. I'll take care of anything that may need attending to today…"

Naruto blindly nodded and staggered upon the couch. He lay there until he had the energy to stand back up and drag himself home where thoughts of Hinata, his delightful princess, _goddess_, would ensnare his mind, taking him away from everything.

--

In a blind fury he stormed into the loft he and his wife owned. His rage overwhelmed the serenity and, as soon as he made contact with the door leading to his office, he lashed out at it. Slamming the door shut behind him, he paced the room without noticing he had broken the mahogany slab, its hinges bent out of shape from his brute strength.

This place, his small, cramped, infuriating office, kept him from calming and forgetting what he had to do. He had to leave. Even if he were willing to lock himself within the room, his wife would easily break down the door. Anyhow, the plan would not work; the door was already broken. How he wished he had it easy, how he wished he could have anything he wanted with a simple gesture of his hand. _Like that pest…._

Naruto did not deserve any of it. The power, luxury, and freewill. From what he heard, and discussed with the blond, Naruto did much of nothing. Shikamaru did most of the work as Chief Advisor. And, _why_ had Naruto commissioned them for such a mission? He knew he could not believe what Naruto said; that bastard was in _love_ with that weak excuse of a Hyuuga. He would not stand to believe he was about to risk his life to avenge someone he felt did not deserve it. Naruto was just being selfish.

_He could care less about us, couldn't he! That's arrogant, stupid idiot! Why didn't I bust his jaw back there? I had the chance; neither Neji nor Shikamaru could have stopped me…. _Sasuke punched the wall and watched it furiously as the space around the newly refurbished hole crumbled. _I can't have been the only one to derive a conclusion. Neji's a smart guy. So is Shikamaru. They can't help but follow Naruto's rule…._

"Sasuke! What's happened…?" his wife's voice echoed around him as he relentlessly staggered against the wall, sliding to the floor. Sakura rushed to his side and ran her fingers through his dark hair.

Always, no matter how angry he was at the world, Sakura, with her beautiful green eyes, could always comfort him. She had a real talent and keeping him from killing someone was just the start of it all. Sasuke wondered whether he was right to leave her home, alone. Not that she was alone, really; she had friends but the only family she had was he. Sasuke couldn't help recall the night a few years ago when Sakura had come to him, tears streaming down her rosy cheeks, whispering through shuddering breaths that her mother was gone. Dead.

God knows how long Mrs. Haruno had been ill. And after her husband's sudden death, she blew up—left Sakura nothing but a note stating she could not live without Sakura's father by her side, not without his love.

Sakura had been a wreck for months, as she had believed it was partially her fault. One day, she had admitted she felt responsible. _If only I had been there for her more… you know how much time I spend away from home_, she had said with a tiny voice. Yes, then, he did suppose she had spent most of the time away on missions. More than she would admit, more than he would ever allow now.

Maybe…_maybe, can't I ignore his request? _"Sakura-chan, come with me."

"What, on a mission?" A look of confusion spilled upon Sakura's unblemished canvas.

He shook his head. "No, I want you and me to leave. Go to another village. A small on at that—"

She stood, backing away. Sakura held her dainty hands to her face and began to shake her head. When she didn't respond with a spoken word, he continued to explain. "I can't work under Naruto's supremacy any longer, _my love_. I know you don't understand, I don't think I can help you understand but, you have to trust me—we can live a happier, _safer_ life away from this village."

Again, she shook her head, pink strands of hair falling in front of her face. Then, as he took to advancing toward her, she asked, "What? Are you insane?"

"That's the thing, _I'm _not. Naruto is—!"

"He's Hokage. It doesn't matter if you think he's insane, Sasuke! You have to follow orders!" Sakura found her voice and anger boiled over. "What if he thinks you left the village in order to fulfill tasks for the enemy. Think of what he did for you—bringing you back to the village… bringing you back to me."

"Does that matter now?" Sasuke began. "If we leave, I'm sure we can hide away until the war is over. We are both skilled and—"

"—and we are needed here. I don't care what it is Naruto is making you do. But, I want you to do it because I'm not going to follow you on a whim of yours."

He said nothing and hoped he could wait long enough for Sakura to change her mind and run into his arms and whisper into his ear that yes, she would go. But after what seemed like an eternity, Sakura's decision stood clear and what was left to do was ready himself for the long task ahead. "Alright. Then, I shall go and get my gear ready."

"Good luck, Sasuke." Sakura replied, dejectedly. "I love you, you know."

"Yeah. I know. I do, too." Sasuke would not let her know her rejection hurt him. How did she not trust him?

He saved his wife the trouble of frightening or angering her by proceeding out of his demolished with a collected calm and tense walk; bursting out of busted doorway would not be the way he wanted his and Sakura's final hour together before another mission to begin. He, as the husband of a temperamental and violent woman, Sasuke had little chances in where he was allowed a screw up. Honestly, he believed his tantrum and done him in and maybe, if he was unfortunate enough, he would leave the village on Sakura's bad side.

If he could not just up and leave his village, wife in tow, and start a new life where dastardly, idiotic blond men did not rule the land, the Uchiha had to settle for the next best thing. A life with his beautiful, pink-haired wife would set smooth enough sailing until the war ended or until Naruto grew a brain….

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_Author's Notes: _Longest chapter to date. Thanks for reading. Again, I don't mind if you review to comment on the errors. Just, do review, please! I'd really appreciate it!

Anyway, I hope you liked it. I know there might have been a few odd/awkward sentences/paragraphs, so sorry. I'll probably (maybe not) revise this chapter.


	5. Chapter four

**How long as it been since my last update? I haven't checked because I've been preoccupied with schoolwork and volleyball. It's so hard doing everything and setting time for writing when you get home around 6pm and actually start homework at 7:30 and have to finish it by 9. BY then, I have to be in bed so I can wake up at 5:30. UGH! I wish I could have some more writing time in my life right now but, even during the weekends I'm busy-- parents and chores are SO bothersom.**

**Anyway, here's chapter four. I hope it's to your liking. It's really just here to transition to a major scene in which something you all wan't might/could/is/won't happen. Who knows!**

* * *

Chapter four

He was _home_. There was nothing, not a place, and no one that could sway fate, changing that—he would have to roam around his rather large loft and sulk in self-pity, redemption, anger, and frustration. The feelings he felt and consumed him kept him at bay, away from any foolish act of self-mutilation, oddly. He would have surely thought that feelings so horrible would give him the right to do so. In the names of the Gods, he questioned in misfortune; he could definitely commit unforgivable acts to prove his loyalty to his goddess—everything was executable and ready.

When it came down to it, however, a little voice in his head persuaded and manipulated, making him think he was the bad guy; the tiny yet quite abrasive voice demanded, _reprimanded_ him for thinking about taking is life. Did Naruto comprehend the voice—_absolutely not!_ —and he surely did not think it was his conscience (which usually sided with him). He recognized the mannerisms behind the voice. The forceful and apprehensive brash ideals of the voice; never had he thought his _Hinata-hime_ would deny him a thing he truly desired! Her voice, her canning and delightfully luring thoughts were trying to keep him from reuniting with her in a place where they could not be harmed for being one. Never did he think long upon the subject for it made him sad and frightful, to think that she may have not loved him as much, when really she had loved him more. He knew this much and would not let unanswered questions dwell and hinder his memory of Hinata. Remembering her was she was with him was best.

Standing in the middle of the once vibrant, colorful living room, Naruto looked around, familiarizing himself with the condition of his habits as he did everyday. The room was very messy; a plotted plant Hinata had brought over long ago to liven up area had wilted away from the lack of attention from Naruto. The carpet under his feet had been left unattended. The connecting hall leading to the kitchen held home for new spiders finding their way into his home after Hinata's many attempts at eradicating them. It was true, he had always been very untidy but he overlooked the scattered clothes and smell of garbage and piling crusting dishes; the touches Hinata had tended to was what kept Naruto on edge. It was something else that he would miss—

"I can't even keep the apartment clean, Hina-hime. You were wrong," Naruto huffed, scratching his head roughly, irritated. The blond waved his uncleanness away and trudged down the adjacent hallway. Ten staggering stumbles down the suffocating hall and Naruto found another reminder of his goddess.

It was the simplest of possessions. However, one could not live without it. Yes, it was replaceable, too, if it ever became a hassle; the king sized bed center-positioned at against the far wall.

The nights served well as a time of ritual where the memory of sleepless, passionate, exhausting sex would become a relic of Naruto's sole lover. He would never think of any other woman the way he had his goddess and the pleasure he had once felt from her touch would rein supreme. The blonde's hormones whined helplessly as the voluptuous and nude body flashed through his mind; sprawled upon the bed, splayed up right against the wall, doubled over in exhaust after grinding, arching, and squirming with each tremor of sexual tension, teasing, and animalistic desire.

Smirking as he glanced down upon his semi-erect manhood, he closed his eyes and removed his clothes hastily. A cold shower would be the only way he planned to fix the problem.

He missed much more than just the sex, her touch, and her tantalizing curves. He was no pig—not a single ounce of his sensei's perverse mannerisms had stuck, but he was _­very_ spontaneous.

Smallest of things attracted Naruto to the dark-haired, lavender eyed beauty. The way Hinata's hands ran through his hair and his goddess's habit of always blushing and becoming incredibly shy the moment he began hinting foreplay always delighted him. Eyes that twinkled with desperation, hinting her need for his touch and warmth beside her; Hinata had been, would always be, a gem.

Running the shower, watching the hot water splash and splatter, he grasped the washbasin with tense hands and waited until the room to suffocate him with heat, mist, and dew. The mirror was well on its way and he slashed his right hand down the length of it—

And when he should have screamed bloody murder, he continued gazing at the image before him, behind him. The streak running along the mirror gave him view of a still of a body, blood splattered upon the face. The form lacked eyes and a river of red ran poured through both openings. A sweet, gentle, familiar smile greeted her lips and Naruto remembered to keep calm. It was just a silly hallucination. No matter how much he wanted to cry, scream, or bash the mirror to pieces, he didn't. Instead, he carefully covered the reflection of the woman and took a deep breath.

His heart rate had increased and his breathing was irregular. He needn't a trip to the hospital. There would be questions and being Hokage would stop his familiars from prodding their noses into business that did not belong to them. As he experienced a few hours ago, Sasuke, Neji, and Shikamaru weren't prone to keeping to the basics. They were far too intelligent.

Counting to five, he gave himself time to gather his courage and uncover the bloody mess. He did with a rush and sighed with relief when the sight had vanished.

"_Wasn't that a scare, kit? You humans are so easy to fool."_ Learning to control the demon locked within him, Naruto found his hands clutched to the sink and feet stumbling, still. He had not been hurled into the depths of tunnels and cell keeping the Kyuubi prisoner in a long time; he had control his power and anger years ago with Hinata's help.

Now, the bastard's voice was all that linked the man to the demon on a daily basis. However, Naruto had not heard from him since before Hinata's funeral.

_You enjoy torturing me, I understand—_Naruto began, shutting his eyes in exhaustion and pain. He took a quick glance down and noticed the aroused sex had yet to be dealt with and groaned. The Kyuubi then cut in— mad with laughter.

"_You don't understand, foolish boy! That was just some payback,"_ he announced, drawing his speech out long. When Naruto didn't respond, he continued, _"I had to restore my honor and pride. Not that I like to admit my slipups but you really had me fearing for my life; your thoughts are not yours alone. You share them with me._

"_I've been guiding part of your conscience, kit, and I'm glad I was able to persuade you to stop thinking thoughts upon killing yourself! If you die—I die. Now, I can't have that." _Kyuubi's voice reeked of disdain and Naruto sensed the demon was smirking.

Naruto, ignoring his prisoner stepped into the shower and cringed as the water hit his back. The blistering hot steam choked and he feared he would accidently stumble. Reaching for the knob, he turned it until cool water soothed his tingling skin. Within minutes, he silently rejoiced the departure of his stiff member scrubbed the rest of his body.

--

"How are you doing today, _my dear_?" Her voice was kind, and bubbly, a slight giggle bursting through her soft exterior. Meeting her twinkling gaze, cerulean orbs melted out of sockets as the mind fried and mistook all comprehension as signs as intolerable acts against righteousness. In fact, believing understanding was a crime was incredibly wise, as the slightest hint of rejection to her majestically apt beauty would create a global disaster.

Her body was eccentrically… _awesome_, or that is how Naruto perceived it. Knowing she would not mind and get angry, he continued to stare, openly drooling. The woman before him was bent over, giving him view to her cleavage. But her face was blurred, and he could not tell who this marvelous entity was! If possible, once he woke, he could stand to understand what he was dreaming about.

Obviously, he was dreaming; her long, silky legs and gentle hands closed around his waist and neck, respectively, and he was thrilled and aroused. And that was unusual as the _only_ woman to ever peak his interest for the longest time had been his goddess.

It was odd, he had never _let_ any other woman arouse him, excite him, much less, _tease_ _him_ since the fated day he and his goddess had become one. It had not mattered that he and she were the only ones who new about their development, but, the fact still held true.

She belonged to him, and he belonged to her.

Who _was _this beauty? She hid her face purposefully; a master of the fan she was as she flicked a fan to her face, batting her eyelashes flirtatiously. And there it was, bit by bit, she revealed her features, her eyes growing bright and exuberant, clear for him to extinguish them.

Could he believe the new information his eyes were absorbing, the familiar tenderness and affection his lips tasted? Bidding his eyes to close, burdening with the aftershock and color of the woman's orbs, he gave himself to her. He was no longer in control of his own body as he fled, hiding from his conscience and receding to the dark corners of the prison within him.

He tasted copper next, and the woman's lips parted from his. Carefully, he opened his eyes and the lavender orbs greeted him coyly. The red lips, coated with his blood, had belonged to him once. His _blood_! Naruto ran his index finger across his bottom lip and gasped as warm liquid oozed down his finger. Tasting the blood, sucking his lip clean, he moaned at the thought of this woman biting his lip.

Hinata had always done the same thing whenever he had asked her to do so.

Now, there was no doubt about it—this woman was no ordinary figment of his imagination, a distraction created by the sandman controlling his dreams—this woman was Hinata, his goddess.

Dressed in a lavender, long-sleeve, silk, kimono-like robe, Hinata batted her eyelashes dreamily over the rim of her floral fan. The black sash tied around her waist soon found a way to distract the man from her confined, perky breasts by circling his neck. He followed Hinata's movements with keen eyes, careening his neck from side to side, left to right, up and down; trailing the length of the sash, he met the end of the road that led up her arm that pushed his gaze to her sparkling lavender eyes.

Her lavender eyes, the pathway to her soul. Aside from her seductive hips and large breasts, he liked her eyes the most. They were always on him, caring and attentive, and she never faked the sweetness of her sparkling, batted eyes.

"What are you looking at?" Her voice shy and engaging, sweet as the ripe peaches they once shared after long sex sessions.

He smirked, finally going ahead and living it up—even if it was a dream, he could, and would, have his fun. "You, my dear. Why are you dressed like this?"

"I don't think I could go around naked, could I? Besides, I like this robe," cocking her head to one side, she took a step back and admired herself. "_You_ like this robe—dress, if I may. You want me like this, right?"

_Oh-oh_. She was right. What had he been thinking! Now, Hinata was at his mercy and he could do whatever he pleased with her, to a limit, and he had her teasing the hell out of him. Closing his eyes, inhaling, he grinned, imagining her nude body, clearly wet, sprawled upon a messy bed. And, his desire appeared, he, too, was naked. He chuckled helplessly as he jumped onto Hinata.

She giggled, and moaned as he kissed her neck, sucking lightly.

"_Kit, thank me now before you forget to do so later, because I won't take too kindly if you forget! I might just stop with this _gift giving_ and let you dream dreams where your girl and I have dirty sex—"_

Naruto pulled away, running his hand down Hinata's bare, lean stomach, down her navel, between her legs, and finally, he reacted, jerking off the bed. He stood nude in front of the large iron gates, dismissive and confused, his hands placed firmly on his hips. "What was that, you stupid fox?"

"_I said that I'm your own personal sandman," _The Kyuubi growled softly from behind his cell. He huffed loudly, shifting his movement, and mercilessly guffawed as the blond stumbled backwards and shivered at the force of the winds.

Naruto then spoke. "What's wrong with your mind?! I cannot honestly believe you like to torture me—! Or, that's it—you do—"

"_That's not it, kit. I've certainly grown fond of you."_

"Like hell you have," Naruto argued, storming up to the cell, shaking from frustration.

"If I didn't, would I help you get your Hinata-hime back?" said a man from a distance. Naruto stumbled, looking for the source of the voice.

* * *

**Author's Notes: I absolutely did not check for any mistakes after finishing this. So, if you find any, tell me or ignore them. Hopefully I'll get a chance to edit this in the near future. I had finished this last night but my computer lacks internet connection-- Gods know why! Cause I don't.-- so, I need to use my father's computer in the other room which he was using for Gods knows what last night. **

**Please review, my loyal friends. **

**And, I'm sorry for the raunchy scenes and language. Though, I hope one of you at least liked it!**


	6. Chapter five: Part One

A/N: Oh, I hope I have a few fans out there hating my grimy guts for taking this long! But, alas, if I do not, I have the benefit of doing this for my own well-being. Just a mere thirty minutes ago I had had a horrible idea in mind: killing someone off. But, good thing I've written this chapter in order to please those in need of a Christmas present from me. I would have killed Neji, by the way. Just as a thought... I _really _wanted to do so so I could have received a nasty shock of reviews. Good thing I'm running out of time... twenty odd minutes before the 25th arrives.

So, look forward to Neji's death, my dears. As, it may come soon or arrive late. Depends on my schedule with _stupid Honors/AP _classes. Boo. Anyhow. Happy Christmas. Hope I come back to you all sooner. In three weeks I hope.

**Disclaimer:**I don't own Naruto. None of his smooth, silky body.

* * *

Chapter five

Warmth beamed down, filling the pores of his muscular build with a shuddering rush. It was nice, getting out for once. Usually, hiding from wandering eyes was safest, their budding relationship would not continue to grow and swell in hyper-speed butterflies, soft kisses, or the occasional night in bed snuggled up. It was something of wondrous magnitude, the way she fit against his chest, behind his arm's embrace. Truly, he was lucky. Had he ever thought he could have ever felt such strong love for someone—when for years, all anyone could do was throw dirty looks and mutter dishonorable curses.

Careening his neck down, he planted his cheek upon the top of his girl's warm head. Slowly, positioning his nose into the tresses of her long black hair, he inhaled deeply. The scent of her hair reminded him of a long summer's night years ago, when he was still only a young boy— of fresh daffodils and lilacs, and a slight amount of grass.

He had been thirteen, and his boyish foolish mind had continued to grasp onto false hope a certain pink-haired girl he knew would finally accept his pleads of a single night with him, dinner at Ichiraku include! The day hadn't held much significance then, but, has he had grown older, wiser, mature, he always went back to that day, analyzing every minute of the few he spent at the Yamananka Flower shop…

Annoying as ever—though she had seemed far more of a pain nowadays, drunken stupors and normal _blonde_ behavior—Ino Yamanaka had loudly called out to me, as to announce my presence. 'Naruto, oh _wow_, what are _you_ doing _here_? Of all places I'd expect someone like you—!' Ino had said, a playful laugh ringing through her voice.

Funny: she had been so obvious, but, as always, I had accomplished being as hopeless as ever. A small gasp had then come from a corner of the small shop. I would have thought nothing of it then, but Hinata had come from behind a cornucopia of colorful bouquets with a very timid look, awkward and weird looking in the eyes of my prepubescent youth.

"Why don't _you_ help Naruto, Hinata?" Ino had inquired, ludicrously running her finger down her cheek, stopping at the corner of her grin.

Guess what my response had been to that. It would not take you more than three guesses, though, was I not known for my surprise factor?

"But, Hinata doesn't work here—!" _Of course,_ Hinata-chan did not work there. Even at that age, hadn't all known of Hinata-chan's prestige, her power in the village? She was the daughter of the noted Hyuuga clan head.

"Well, _duh_, idiot! But I'm too busy to help you—" And no, she had not busy, a quick glance around the little shop told me that.

I exploded, metaphorically, forcing out my pent up frustration out on Ino and, inadvertently, Hinata-chan. "No you're not busy. I want your help—not Hinata's—I _need _your help! I have to buy Sakura some flowers before I leave—"

Before Ino had had the opportunity to respond, my hurt Hinata-chan spoke, asking,  
"You're leaving, Naruto-kun? When?" Her voice had been delightfully shy and soprano, _not_ in an overbearing manner.

"Naruto—you're leaving?!" Ino had mimicked, having shoved around the rows of flowers in order to invade my personal space. "When?!"

In all honesty, do you think I liked her invading my space? No. Of course, I didn't. I would have at fifteen, her hourglass figure and perky breasts galore, my gaze dropping down, far down—but, with Hinata as my own in the years to come, I'm glad I didn't _bother_ with the rest—the heaven-sent beau, oh how great Hinata had been in bed…

"Today…actually," I answered. Wrenching away from Ino, I had turned to Hinata, grinning awkwardly. Her face had been so heart-wrenchingly distraught and thoughtful too, as though she was thinking hard.

Ignoring Ino's boisterous outbreak of hysteria (we had gone close after a few missions together), and with my attention fully on Hinata, I noticed she was fighting back the urge of some sort. I would have never guessed then that she had wanted so badly to confess her love for me.

"Is that so…" she choked out, a silent beseech breaching her quivering lips. "Why are you leaving—?"

Oh, foolish little Naruto, I had acted like such an insensitive jerk. Facing her, my reaction had been to eye her curiously and answer indifferently. "Training, Hinata…"

Then, unexpected from Hinata-chan then, caught by surprise myself, Hinata-chan had done something so out of her element. She had hugged me.

"H-Hinata!" I had looked down, watching as she smothered her faced farther into her chest. Ino had gasped, and after a few seconds of silence had come the muffled voice of my goddess.

"Come back safe, Naruto-kun."

It had completely confused me, my undeveloped mindset of love and things of the sort had the hardest time forgetting about that moment, keeping me in deep thought for a large part of my journey with Jiraiya to the middle of the Fire Country.

Before my departure, I had bought a bouquet of daisies for Sakura, in hope she would have accepted them, and two lilies for Hinata. My smile had never been so genuine; her joyous grin did that to me.

"One is my promise of safety," I had stated, handing her the first. "The second… holds the promise of coming back and getting to know you better, Hinata. You are very interesting person. Weird, but interesting…"

She had been so cute, blushing cheeks and twinkling lavender eyes…

"_You were one stupid kid, kit! How could you have liked that Haruno-girl so much—and not thought twice about your Hinata-hime, your_ goddess_? She wasn't that great anyway—that pink-haired girl…"_

Incoherently, Naruto mumbled, "Don't you think I know that…" and rolled his frame to face the open window in the room. Sun, what he wanted, shone through the thin white drapes. He always woke up to the sun, no matter how badly he wanted to sleep. Hinata-chan had always liked the sun and the way it had highlighted his features. He had been her Adonis—Hinata-chan had always had a different pet name for him every morning…

With a start, Naruto felt the comfortable mattress disappear from underneath him. It was much like falling, though the whole process scared the shit out of him, the fright waking him. His eyes opened wide and he frantically looked around.

Either the drowsiness of sleep on his body had pushed him to flop back onto his side or the pain of realizing her would never wake up to his Hinata-chan finally became to much to bear, but, he didn't get up. Even though he knew hours had passed, the sun's positioning now far past it's norm noon stance, he lay, cradling his knees against his chest, on this carpeted floor.

It wasn't until shadows began to linger and grow within his space when memory from last night's dream revived, desiring Naruto's mind to assess it. His mind had been violated, _he _had been violated. _Mentally raped_, he thought, shuddering from shock and sudden urge to jack off.

Never had Naruto expressed his feelings to the Kyuubi directly, however, the monster was part of him, so he must know everything, feel everything… _experience_ everything he had while Hinata had been with him. He must still love her too, Naruto continued to muse, hoping frequent mentions of the fox would Houdini him back.

"…_help you get your Hinata-hime back…" _The fox had been shitting him, right? Was he just trying to fuck around with him, getting some sort of sick high from all the pain he caused his vessel?

But, it was worth a try—whatever it was the Kyuubi had in mind. It had been too late, Naruto had been whirled into another dream with his scantily clad goddess before he had had the chance to respond or even react.

"Fox…help me," croaked Naruto, grasping his parched throat, pleading. "Tell me what you can do…"

Minutes passed before the blonde attempted speaking once again. This time, his voice was clearer, steadier. "Kyuubi—you, I'm talking to you," Naruto's demanding tone rose louder in volume.

Nothing. Not a single cough or chuckle in response. "Damn you! Show yourself! I need your help!" Growing angrier at the silence, Naruto became more animated, yelling and squirming about.

When he thought the Kyuubi would never respond, he fell back and hoped by feigning defeat, he could be granted with the Kyuubi's presence. He inhaled, and held back tears forming around his cerulean orbs. "Please, you bastard… I just want my Hinata-hime back…"

"_Oh, were you calling me? I was asleep, kit…"_ came a voice, booming in false lethargy. _"Come with me—"_

He fell once again, his vision darkening, no sooner had he found himself surrounded in a fire-lit abyss. A drop of water plopped upon his forehead and he jumped, standing in a crouch. Naruto screeched, "What do you know—? How can I get Hinata-hime back…!"

Out of the shadows emerged a man, the same man he had met with last night. It didn't matter though, Naruto still managed to jump back defensively, afraid of attack. "Calm, kit, calm; you're here for me, are you not?"

The possibilities were endless. One, the statuesque man before him could be an enemy, there only to attack his psyche, make him feel even worse than he already did. Two, like Sasuke had back when they were twelve, the man could have entered his mind via Kyuubi/jutsu combination—but that could not be it; he did not remember fighting anyone… Or three: the man before him—quite disgruntled but handsome when taking a better look—was the Kyuubi, the strong, powerful monster….

Naruto _had _to ask, "What are you?"

A thunderous Kyuubi-like guffaw erupted from the man. "Silly, _boy_, I am the Kyuubi…"

The blond's eyes widened and the pale light surrounding him danced in an intoxicating fashion. He became dizzy mere moments later, feeling his weight shift uncomfortably and his body impact against the ground. Sure of this, whiplash would have proceeded quite nicely if not for his face imprinting upon the floor. Carefully, Naruto reached to caress his face, to assess the damage—

"No need, kit, here, you don't bleed. Nor are you capable of injury," the so-proclaimed Kyuubi stated, crossing his arms. There was something in the way he held himself that irked the blond. Not only was the man smirking but he also seemed to forget of his troubles. Despite him being completely nude, he too appeared malnourished, his face ghoul-like with sleep deprivation and his hands were covered is blood.

Hundreds (if so permitted to exaggerate in his point of shock) questions merged to existence, forging passages into Naruto's mind. Having already thought his head in pain, a pain less imaginable seared into his skull, down his spine, through his legs, and out his toes. Arching his back in disgusted agony, he groaned and searched for the source of the continuous cackling.

"Stop your bellyaching, Naruto, you don't feel any pain—"

Much more than a distraction, whoever was speaking to him hit a chord, stopping his writhing and groans. Naruto slumped onto the floor, his eyes trailing the cracks on the floor. He bit his lip, fighting back the sudden urge to scream and curse at the _man_ feet away. But, what was his self-control for? Had he ever shown the _Kyuubi_ such respect before…?

"Of course I feel pain, you _bastard_!" Naruto sat up, lost his balance and stretched his arms out in front of him. "I feel, I hurt, I have the whole shebang going for me…

"I'm a screw up whose girlfriend was killed because of him. I cannot even really tell anyone about it. It would not be safe. I cannot vent, I cannot stop thinking of her, and every time I may feel content about something, something or another finds ways to bring me down. I cannot think without thinking about her; I cannot sleep without falling into her waiting, disfigured dream-self, I cannot eat, or drink without tasting the foul stench of blood—

"I think I'm going insane…" Naruto ended in far worse state, head against the ground once again. The release of emotional current rushing through his tone had increased in volume and substance, growing in each word spoken. The blond stifled an uncouth laugh, a rather nasty snarl tinting his lips, as he raised his head to glare at the man. "But you wouldn't care about any of that, now, would you? All you fucking live for his seeing me in misery, failing to keep you at bay, from getting the fucking control over this body. Isn't that true, you _fucking bastard_?!"

Stronger than any man or creature alive, the Kyuubi-man openly laughed clearly unaware of the danger Naruto posed with such high levels of kill intent surging through his able body. To further exemplify his mighty confidence, the man took flight and (if possible) glided across the ground, stopping inches from the feral blond.

The man knelt down, curiously tilting his head down to peer at the blond's face. The man chuckled once more. "You know, Naruto-kun, it's been ages since you actually asked for my help. You realize that, right.

"I mean, last time…last time you asked for my…_assistance_… you were fighting Kabuto. And I remember that so well. We killed him good, kit—remember his face, how gruesomely violated it looked. Thanks to my divine powers… merged with your _rasengan_ o' course!" He paused, and sighed, shaking his head.

"Good times," he stood, and barked a laugh. "But, kit, say something—you were the one wanting him dead! He had been our last obstacle to that sneaky Orochimaru! To Sasuke-kun!"

Naruto sat slumped, wincing at past memories of war.

"Now, I'm nothing more but _pleased_ to see you've come to me for help with your _lady problems_. We can fix everything. Once I am done—_oh, kit!_—Once I work my magic… you won't ever remember Hinata-hime being dead—"

"_You son of a bitch!_" Naruto shrieked, jumping to his unstable feet. He reached out for the man's naked shoulders and dug his nails into his cold-as-ice flesh and bone. "Things will never be the same!"

"And why not?" the man asked, simply shaking Naruto off. A simple grimace of discomfort grazed his opaque face.

It took no more than five seconds for Naruto to consider telling the Kyuubi the truth or lie to his face. He was part of him, so, lying to him would not do any good, Naruto thought. "Because… when you love someone as much—devote your entirety their safety, happiness, and, dare I say, pleasure— as I did with Hinata-chan, there comes a time where nothing will ever be the same…"

"_Stupid boy_—are you under the impression that Hinata-chan will remain in her grave for much longer?" the man asked, a grin splattered across his face. "Sooner or later, we will accomplish the unthinkable."

Unbelieving, Naruto slowly pushed himself to sit up straight. "And are you sure we can do it?"

There was a moment of silence in which Naruto began to silently discredit the Kyuubi and all his past successes.

Not a single tinge of guilt surfaced.

"If not us, who?"

* * *

A/N: Oh, did I forget to mention this was a draft? Yeah. It is. I'll get it to tip top shape. And forgive me for all loose ends and confusing bits. I'll tighten those up soon. And, uhh, this is like... Part One... so, make sure to consider this chapter when reading the next one... when ever that comes.

Review, darlings. Please.


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